We all have that person who might just know us better than we know ourselves.
For me, that’s one of my best friends. She and I have been through hell and back together. Destructive, abusive relationships, destructive break-ups, miscarriages, death of loved ones, losing jobs…. We’ve gotten each other through a lot of shit.
But that’s not what this is about.
Talking with her the other day, about my Unrequited, and how I am drawn to grand gestures. Making them, not necessarily having them made for me, although I’m sure that too. I don’t know. No one has ever made some outlandishly grand gesture for me.
The thing about my Unrequited is that he lives in another state. Our sole method of communication is and has always been social media. We just never exchanged anything else.
He doesn’t know he is my Unrequited, at least, not as far as I know. So it would be quite a shock for me to send him a message from the airport in his city and say, “I’m here and I want to see you. Come pick me up.”
Actually, I probably would wait until I checked into a hotel before I sent him a message. No sense camping out at the airport waiting for a ride that might never show up.
But the idea of hopping on a plane and traveling across three states to see someone I absolutely adore, without warning or invitation, just doing it for the fuck’s sake of doing it, sounds incredible.
Which is where my friend comes in. I am a notorious planner. I have been chided for planning how I plan my plans. I am an obsessive Type A control monster and leaving things to chance gives me extreme anxiety.
Until it doesn’t. When I am thrust headlong into a crazy situation, I can roll with whatever punches you throw at me. And pretty good too. And I have an awesome time. It is just the idea of doing it that terrifies me. I have to let go and just fucking do it.
Whatever “it” is. Be it fly my ass to another state in search of love or whatever it might be. One of my biggest roadblocks to anything in my life is the lack of control needed to just do it.
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